Weaning

Well it has been over three years that I have been pregnant or breastfeeding. I think in total it was three years and two months. I haven't nursed C in three days. He is 13 months old. I originally planned to nurse him six months, but six turned into nine and nine turned into thirteen.

S was only eight months when I found out I was pregnant with C. I struggled with the pregnancy for a while. I remember thinking that it was hard to be excited about a new baby because I still had a baby. Once S was weaned and sleeping through the night it became easier to grasp that I could take care of them all. I was pretty scared that I would have a hard time caring for three children under the age of four. It has turned out great. I cannot imagine our family any other way. I finally feel like I am making so head way, even that I am doing okay mothering my three boys. C is still not sleeping through the night, but I feel like it is a huge step for us not to be nursing through the night. After lunch I gave him a cup and he held it for himself and drank huge gulps of milk. It was humbling and exciting at the same time to realize that he is growing up and doesn't need me as much.

On the way home from picking H up from preschool I got a huge Dr. Pepper from Mickey D's, because I no longer have to worry about how much caffeine I am ingesting. I feel a little loopy from the extra caffeine. I am excited and sad at the same time to finally get my body back to myself. I am a little sad, because I have been growing or sustaining a life everyday for the last three years. I found out I was pregnant with H September of 2002, so for over five years there have only been five months that I wasn't pregnant or breastfeeding, that is until today.

I think I would be down right weepy if it weren't for the fact that I think we are going to have another bambino.

Motherhood is the best hardest thing that has ever happened to me.